How durable are laminate floors? Grab your keys.

As proud new owners of a laminate floor – we didn’t know how nicely we had to treat it, and whether it would be easily damaged while renovating. The product claimed to withstand high traffic – but what did that mean?

Would laminate endure a lively Jenga game? Could I resuscitate the nineties and Rollerblade on it?

Driving ourselves to distraction waiting for the ugly baby, Paolo and I have undertaken a nesting derivative – utterly scientific measures to find out: are laminate floors durable?

“It’s called nesting,” an anxious Vanessa tells a disinterested Mark.

After grabbing laminate floor samples at Nucasa to choose a colour, we had our winning flooring piece, plus 2 more feet of reject stuff. Laminate – we’d read – is nearly indestructible (unless it gets wet – then you’re screwed). Indestructible? Really? It almost seemed a challenge.

Exactly how indestructible?

My mum suggested – as a joke – that we try to key our new floor. Paolo didn’t need to hear that twice: his inner Problem Child let loose.

Laminate durability: tested in a responsible adult fashion

• He keyed the laminate. Keyed it like a mad man.
• He dropped cans on it. Baked beans from 6 feet up!
• Then… a lot of cans. Tuna, blam!
• He hammered it.

Then he turned to liquid punishment.

• He poured red wine on it.
• Coffee.
• Vinegar.
• Damn, we were fresh out of hydrochloric acid.

Tried as he could – the sturdy stuff emerged with just 1 tiny dent. You had to know where it was – and hold it to your face to see it. We were sold. As for the final test whether laminate is durable? We can report that it, too, withstands hot wax.

As for a full list of laminate pros and cons? Add durability firmly to the former.

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Photos c/o Juno and Problem Child movies