Day 5: Battle plans, basic provisions

In olden days, battles were fought differently. Armies would arrive weeks and months in advance, and make camp. They’d dig in and get to know the land. Perhaps rape and pillage the locals, while those higher up the chain schemed and formed the battle plan.

I’m always up for Fisticuffs Vs the French, but today (day 5!) my focus is elsewhere:

Utter. Destruction. Our shag carpet is 40 years old… which means all manner of filthy things could have touched it. Wayne Newton. Yoko. Burt Reynolds. Who’s to say their foul forms haven’t slithered across my shag? I can’t be certain. It has to go.

But. We’ve urgently got to stock up on provisions. Somehow moving even within the same city depletes any and all reserves of energy, food, and toilet paper. Where did it go?

Groceries, then destruction. Provisions, then pillaging.

Napoleon, Nelson, Monty… how’d you hold your troops back when their enthusiasm outran your readiness?

My bottled impatience is running on fumes. I just want to get going – to rip down walls, to eradicate the popcorn ceiling…to obliterate. I’d probably be quite a good pillager.

The Battle Plan

First – deal with Mazlov and his needs. Find the towels, buy dishwasher soap. Get milk. A few more days to make camp. Then?

This is my logic – check it for flaws: for any given area, first attack popcorn ceiling and wallpaper/mirror mosaic, then prep for painting, paint, use the nasty carpet as a perpetual drop cloth, rip out carpet, install laminate, rejoice. More or less – that’s the plan.

Practice session

After starting on the living room’s vinyl wallpaper last Sunday – we may as well finish it. For no other reason than “it’s there, and it’s ugly.” Weekend Warrior Project, take 1. Then?

The first month

I polled the parents on this one – unanimous vote: do the bedroom first. It’ll be the easiest – and it’s the only room with a door! Won’t it be dreamy to have somewhere I can walk in bare feet? Then?

The next 337 days

My kinda-sorta-I’m-totally-making-this-up-right-now plan…

Living room/Dining room/Hallway

I guess after the bedroom, we’ll pretty much know how to spruce up the living room. Problem: there’s no door, it’s a big space and it’s totally open plan. Dust control? Forget it. Hmm…a problem for another day.

Bathroom

No idea. Absolutely no idea. Will be memorizing the plumbing section @ One Project Closer & supplementing with liberal doses of YouTube between now & then.  Would you laugh if I said it’s small and therefore should be quicker than the kitchen?

Kitchen

Why save the kitchen to last? Because – compared to The Cave – this kitchen has a dishwasher and can therefore do no wrong. Maybe I’ll get the DIY derivative of Stockholm Syndrome and won’t want to change a thing. Would you stage an intervention?

The sprucey-uppy bits

Spring Cleaning on speed. Waiting to see what’s left of our budget at the end, this’ll be the land of finishing touches. Moulding, curtains, new light fixtures.

My coffee’s cold. Nothing further.

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Pictures, from 2 wholly different battles in totally different continents and centuries, found here and here.