I have a handful of irrational hatreds: 1) plywood valances, 2) Tom Cruise, 3) scrambled eggs with other food mixed in, 4) soffits taking unnecessary space. We called it ‘that thing’ for the longest time, before some mysterious Google combination took me to a Flickr page that called ‘the thing’ ‘a soffit’. Huh.
- Soffit: The visible underside of an arch, balcony, beam, cornice, staircase, vault or any other architectural element (DIY Life)
- Synonym: can of worms
Our half-formed galley kitchen idea involved cabinets below and, above, open shelves & oxygen, circulating. No soffits allowed.
Source: Nest Decorating
Once the top cupboards were off it was there, taunting us from above. Looming. Eyes narrowed to slits as I realized just how much useless space it absorbed. At least 8 feet long, cutting well into my oxygen-circulation-space. Considering Vancouver’s average price per square foot is $800 – math like that just wouldn’t do.
None for you, darkness. I want that space back! It’s mine! It’s where my breathing room circulates!
With a vent & wiring in the opposite soffit, we assumed the offending item was there to keep its friend company, to put cupboards at normal human head-height and to annoy we of the better evolved future.
The flipping-logic inquiry: how much would it take to rip out and put back together? Drywall isn’t expensive per se, but we could definitely apply the cash elsewhere. It is worth it? Does its removal add any value? Who cares – my blood boils just to see it. No? Not so valid? If actual reasons were needed to seal its demise, I could find them. Ummm…they make the place look dated. There. Done. Suck it, soffit.
Except, except, except. What if we get up there & see something scary? Like accidentally rounding the corner of a Vancouver alley & walking into a sketch drug deal. It’ll happen one of these days, so I’ve got my reaction rehearsed. Just start whistling, avert eyes, back away slowly with perfect posture…
“Ah yes! The drugs! The drugs that you deal. Carry on! Didn’t see anything… just tying my shoes…. leaving now…pip pip cheerio”.
Exit quickly enough, you can all pretend it didn’t happen. We’d approach potential soffit destruction in the same vein. Doing exactly what Flickr told us to, we smashed a hole in one end and took a picture. A blurry failure. Damn it. Took another picture. Nothing there but darkness.
Ohhh yeaaaa, we’re gonna sock it to the soffit. Pop it, lock it, smoke the soffit.
Please stop talking.
Clearly, the soffit was a bad joke sent from decades past. We soon noticed that it wasn’t just ugly, it was wonky. Maybe it had shifted over time – does drywall do that? Or maybe its merry makers had tickets to Black Sabbath that night – did they cut and run?
Despite plenty of vitriol, like any good heckler I lack actual skills. As unprofessional and unpracticed dry-wallers, we’d never manage to get it flush with the existing walls and ceiling. A make-work project born of loathing didn’t qualify for paid help.*
We summoned international delegates to Soffit Summit 2010. Keynote speakers proposed a bold new path: a modified soffit. Instead of a bad job – add a brand new feature, that sticks out on purpose. Knowing we’d never achieve a perfectly flush surface, why not run a shallower soffit along the entire wall? Later we could even pop in down-lighters, without sacrificing the sound barrier. Magic ticket! Perfect!
Should I warn you this is a stupid story of a stupid soffit? You already know. We trussed up the poly bubble. We channeled Damon Bennett Demolition. A lifetime’s Whack-A-Mole skills went to town smashing and bashing. Bang bang bang. Well guess freaking what. A Flickr photo-stream is a stupid place to derive renovation advice.
We’d make awful CSIs. As far as photographic evidence – ours was lacking key details. The camera had admirably captured pitch black nothingness… inside a box. What appeared to be the full length of the soffit space was instead a dirty, 40-year old trick. Outside this strange box construction was the back-end of Sim City: Wires. Lots of wires. Pipes. Ducts. A jam-packed spectacle of a soffit’s innards.
As we tore the poly down & mused over our wasted demolition day, I think I heard an exhaled stay of execution.
Suckers….
Touché
(On the subject of outdoor soffits, this is funny stuff).
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* (Rule #33: no outside hired help unless absolutely necessary – like where wires and currents and volts, certain bodily harm and building codes are concerned. If we can’t do it ourselves – it’s off the list).
Devil eyes found here
Hey, you want a s'more? Some more of what?
Love this. We removed a giant soffit that was sticking WAY out in the middle of our kitchen. Apparently back in the day, it was quite the design trend to hang cabinets between the kitchen and “eating area” to separate these two spaces.
What results from this brilliant design are hanging cabinets over a kitchen island that leaves about a 1.5 foot opening that you *could* look through – if you’re a 7 year old and your eyes happen to sit at about 4 feet. Otherwise, you have to squat down to see people on the other side. Who thought that was a good idea? Dunno, but we did away with it.
Good reminder that soffits can contain all kinds of nasties – plumbing (pressurized or drain) HVAC vents, vents from nearby bathrooms, dryers etc, structural I-Beams, the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future, and of course, electric wiring.
One thing that can be really useful for “looking” inside a soffit without tearing the thing out is a fiber scope… very cool tool – especially the ones with lights that are attached to a nice little viewfinder screen.
I could have some serious fun with this scope you describe. I know there’s a saying ‘remember the hand that feeds you’ — but midget-peep-hole design is taking it a bit far. “I remember the hands… just not the face…” Good for puppet shows, perhaps? Good riddance to it!
Wonky soffit sounds like a medieval English stew made from root vegetables and a miscellany of rodents.
Blackadder’s favourite dish, surely? Introducing the Ugly Baby cookbook…. dusty ceiling popcorn, blue marbled counter top cheesecake and wonky soffit. Come to tea?
Soffits are the devil. We’ve been lucky so far and none of the seriously offensive soffits have had anything in them – purely decorative. Because they’re so . . . attractive.
If I could draw, I’d make the appropriate cartoon. “Larry, what this house needs is some decoration.” “Yes boss.” “Any ideas?” “Eh, well I have some more drywall. We could use that.” “Larry, you’re a genius! Quick, make a box of drywall and stick it to the ceiling.”
You could totally remove the soffit and re-hang drywall! If you can skim coat a popcorn ceiling, you can do this too.
As long as your studs are reasonably straight and you buy the same thickness of drywall as was originally used, it’s pretty much foolproof. The only trick is usin enough mud to cover your tape but not so much that there’s a bulge. That’s the part I strugle with. With your skimcoating experience, you shouldn’t have much trouble there.
But take it from someone who makes bumps in the wall when she does this–you have to really stand at the right angle with the right lighting to even see the bump. I’m not sure those two variables could even be achieved in your kitchen. So I say, go for it!
Ooh thanks for the vote of confidence – that’s often all you need, right? Someone to give a little nudge and say “just try it!” Definitely would have given it a go until we found all the sneaky business hiding in the soffit. Not really worth disturbing it all just to rearrange to a different shape & size. (If it was my apartment to live in for a long time? They’d be long gone)
This just sounds like lazy building. Where are the wire, pipes and ducts in the rooms without soffits? I’m stuck with a forever pantry that prohibits having a decent amount of counter space because so much plumbing is in the wall. A vertical soffit so to speak. my sympathy.
Funny you said that because just after I read it I heard Paolo swearing in the other room about something else the builders had done in a cheap & lazy way. They totally got away with it though – because they’re probably retired or dead by now & we’re only just discovering it. You’re right – there’s no reason this stuff couldn’t go in the ceilings! Vertical soffits sound even worse — robbing you of actual space you could use. My ‘air circulation’ dramas pale in comparison.
Maybe you could suspend shelves from it? And thereby involve it indirectly? Like so http://www.aiga.org/resources/content/5/9/8/1/images/IMG_2423_578.jpg. I agree with Fred…it’s probably got important stuff in it. I’d assume HVAC. But I think hanging shelves off of it would make it less of an eyesore and more of an anchor (no pun intended). You could use thick rope which would complement the butcher-block counter nicely, I think.
gahh! my rss feed has let me down- i knew i was missing out on something…Okay i am full on sitting down on the couch tonight and recapping all the posts I have missed! We have decided to tackle our kitchen soon so I can’t wait to read your about your progress!
Ah likewise, I’m saving up for such a big blog catch-up.
I too am the victim of the horrendous soffit monster! I have them running thru the INSIDE of the top of my kitchen cabinets! Far as I can tell, THAT one is just to supply HVAC to ONE vent! I want to burn my house down! How I did not notice these monstrosities before purchase of the house I will never know. Its something that makes me feel a little sick every time I look at them. The one in the kitchen runs right over the stove so I can not vent my cooking area! I am trying to figure out a way to “duct” thru a soffit….burn it!…Burn it all down!!!
I wanted to take out mine, too. I ripped out one useless one and spent a week hanging drywall on warped ceiling joists and then attacked the ones above the cabinets. I figured I would run the cabinets up to the ceiling, with some crown moulding. Open it up? Diagonal electrical wires (you can save a few bucks not running it straight up the wall, turn 90 degrees at the ceiling and continue the circuit through there, out of the way) other suites’ thermostat wires and wires I couldn’t identify. Re-routing all that electrical would mean cutting holes in the back of the cabinets and having junction boxes back there. I figured forget it. Rebuilt the soffit, had a beer. Better luck next time?
Ughh!!! (But was there mouse poo!?) I like the simplicity of that statement: rebuilt it, had a beer. The matter of 5 minutes’ work, right!? Hats off!!
I was actually trying to figure what that thing was and google brought me here! I completely understand your pain because they’re on both sides of my kitchen and completely in my way! I saw these beautiful cabinets that run from ceiling to floor and I can’t get them because of that stupid soffit. I’m hoping its not some important beam or contains anything inside because it just has to go!
Haha I learned the word ‘soffit’ after some strange Google combination took me to a Flickr page. They’re devilish things. Seriously, where is Mike Holmes & his sledge hammer when you need him?? Let me know how things turn out! I’d help bash it to death if I could.