I’ll introduce my brother by explaining that I asked if he – like Paolo – wanted a blog name. Unlike Paolo, he spent some time in thought.
Mmm….. Benedict.
What!? Why?
Eggs benedict…. Benedict Arnold….. little bit of shit disturbing, little bit of treason…all in a day’s work. It’s just a great name. Benedictine, the liqueur? Great name.
I stared at him for sometime, deciding whether or not he’d prepared – at length – for this most ridiculous of questions. It seemed he had.
* * *
Choosing a turquoise everyone will love - So my brother Benedict happened by recently, as those of us with less-exalted names examined living room paint colours. CIL’s no-VOC Naturaliving stuff was a success in the bedroom and I was clamouring for more. Problem? Paolo’s stupid couch. Is it green? Is it beige? Is it drive-me-out-of-my-mind greeny beigey sandy? Nobody knows. It goes with nothing.
An adorably family affair, my mum was helping divide & conquer paint chips. Turquoise? It seemed we were on to something. Nice and bright, great with white and even a match with the wretched couch. Best of three choices, and the job would be done.
Bam! That is, until Benedict arrived to rock the boat. As with most things, he had plenty to say.
Which turquoise do you like?
It’s blue.
No, it’s turquoise.
I don’t like it.
Why not?
It looks like a dentist’s office. You’re in serious danger of it looking too medical.
In even his own mother’s eyes, Benedict overtook the matchless couch as Public Enemy #1.
Seriously? You can’t handle turquoise? Stop being such a boy!
I wasn’t letting on, but alarm bells were ringing. He wasn’t being difficult just to be a pain. He had a point – boys and girls have different tastes. Then Paolo came home. New meat. Which team would he pick?
Three choices for the new wall colour, what do you think?
It’s very feminine.
What! It’s blue. Boys = blue.
It’s light. It’s feminine.
Dark paint will kill you remember? VOCs? Plus it has to be light – it’s a dark apartment. And think of all the other bits & pieces? The floor? The floor’s wood. Wood. Grrr. Men chop wood. Totally masculine.
…Whatever you say.
Since Benedict had started raising hell, Paolo had switched sides – from not caring about colour to hating turquoise. Were we back to a world of boys’ colours and girls’ colours? And had turquoise been chopped from the blue pie and added, daintily, into girl-world?
Say a bevy of bachelors come to the ugly baby open house. They want a man cave – they find…a soft mint? Not exactly vodka & Red Bull. Interesting. Brand new information. Shit.
In the background, my mum’s running around with 60 different colour strips – Vanna White appealing a death sentence. Benedict’s still huffing and blowing, hating on dentists.
I had to win the boys round to Team Turquoise – quickly.
Ok but it will have white stuff. Trim. (Shit. Why did I call it trim? Trim sounds prim.) Cushions. (Cushions! Shut up stop talking!) Curtains. What I mean is, the laminate floor will abut the white baseboard, and it will not look like a dentist’s office.
I’m not sure whether they bothered to picture it – but Benedict stopped talking for half a second.
Ok, then I’m coming round to the idea.
So you like the turquoise?
As long as you don’t call it turquoise.
Aqua? Mint?
That’s toothpaste.
Happy blue?
Frostbitten extremities?
You’re just being difficult! Seriously – why the hate?
Because you used to have a ski-suit that was turquoise and it was lurid.
That was the ’90s, it wasn’t my fault.
###
Hey, you want a s'more? Some more of what?
Hahahah! Oh, the pain of selecting a paint colour! Blues can be really hard, but if you pick the right blue, perfection!
Did you point out to the boys that if you got rid of Paolo’s greeny-beigey-sandy couch, a whole new world of paint colour options would be open to you
Kelly
Perhaps more painful than buying jeans. Very true – the couch is to blame for everything that goes wrong from this point forward.
Turquoise is tricky! The wrong light or the wrong shade and it tends to look dirty.
Just remind Paolo that a) in 300 days he doesn’t live there any more B) it’s really all his couch’s fault and c) it’s only paint, and if you really hate the shade you can repaint later on…after you have forgot how much you hate painting.
P.S. Brothers are never helpful. It’s in their genes to be difficult.
Is it? Crap!
3 salient points – especially about leaving time between paint jobs to forget the loathing. (Isn’t that how you end up with more than 1 kid?)
Yup, that’s exactly how you end up with more than one kid!
Ahahahaha – will keep this in mind.
I agree about blues being tricky — too light/bright and it can look like a little kid’s room …North-facing windows and the room always feels too cool. WWCOD? (What would Candace Olson do?) She seems to design a lot of blue/brown rooms.
I NEVER ask my brother for decor advice — he’s an architect, so has all kinds of wacky ideas.
Mm… might this be the wrong venue to admit I’ve never heard of Candace Olson?? Eeee I’m sorry I didn’t mean it!! Will check out the link of her pics now & do a ready-reckoning with the Googles.
Say it’s not so! Candace (Ms. Divine Design) is my absolute fave Canadian designer! She even pronounces “out” correctly (but of course, I’m from Minnesota.)
I’ll study up then! (As she comes so highly recommended).
Candace to the rescue! Take a look at the second photo here: http://www.younghouselove.com/2009/03/watch-it/
Looks like it might be a basement — can’t get much darker than that! Hey! There’s even a greige (grey/beige) couch!
Why not use light, warm colours like cream etc. It’ll make the apartment seen homey and warm during all that rain while not making it seem smaller.
Put a white slip cover on the couch. As much as I wish all slip covers would burn, it’ll make it easier to match.
Slip covers…hmm…. I might have to agree to disagree
Homey & warm is definitely the intended result. Thanks!!
Oh, just go with beige – everything goes with beige (well, except perhaps a different kind of beige, like perhaps the couch). If you plan to sell – neutral all the way.
Since I am not planning on selling, I just used smokey green (Benjamin Moore CC-700) for my bathroom. I love it – sometimes it is green, sometimes it is blue, then it isn’t green and definitely not blue, but hang on, it is blue…..and so it goes. Great choice when you can’t decide if you really want blue or green – just get both!
No beige!! I’m walking this tight-rope: no beige, still neutral enough to sell. Tricky tricky!
Greeny bluey bluey greeny sounds just like our changy-colour-couch!
I love turquoise so I’m glad you got them to bend to your will. I do have to say that I might reuse this quote.
“You’re in serious danger of it looking too medical.” I have to give some feedback on a design at work and I’m going to figure out some way to work that in.
True confession: My home’s exterior is actually turquoise and the men in my life (family, boyfriend, etc. — I’m not a hussy) all love it. I originally thought I was going to paint it, but I think they’d all be mad at me.
Haha – it had never occurred to me that ‘medical’ was its own design faux-pas. I guess it’s a look everyone can universally hate.
Non-hussiness noted (after laughing a lot). Turquoise on a house sounds a bold & beautiful thing.
TOO, too funny!!! My ex allowed me to paint one of our walls turquoise….under the condition that we called it blue. It was not blue, but the most perfect shade of turquoise. He loved his blue wall, still has it even though I’m long gone. And my now fiance loves turquoise too (and calls it what it is)…as long as it is not paired with pink. Boys are so funny!!
Thanks for the laugh! You’re an awesome storyteller!
Haha, thanks Erin! Funny that you’ve got a man vs. turquoise story, too. I mean a blue story. And I’m thrilled to hear the righteous won in the end.