Carpet-bagging and opportunism

Day: T minus 1 – Ready to roll

Tomorrow’s the day. Key Day. When the clock strikes 12, we’re meeting Agent Awesome at the front door to our new casa. The gateway to ugly baby-dom. The, um, birthing canal. And I’ve done my homework. I know expectant mothers are meant to keep a packed bag by the front door. Oh, you know I’ve got the tackle. My Key Collection Kit.

To now, I’ve kept my insanity largely private. (That is, offline). As I’d love to use Agent Awesome’s services in the future (in 367 days, to be exact), he doesn’t need to know that I’m anything but a consummate home-buying professional. Not the rabid gimme-the-goddamned-keys renovator within.

If I show up with a crowbar, a dust mask and painting gear…. I’ll immediately give the game away: I’m an OCD loser who gets far too excited about the prospect of before/after.

Instead, the handover will occur with due grace and composure. Like an actual grown up.

“Oh, no biggie, we buy our first apartment all the time.”

So blasé. Enter The Kit, tucked in secrecy within the world’s biggest handbag. (We’ve all got one, haven’t we girls?) No one will know it’s got a tape measure and a litre of spackle inside it. (Paolo will suspect, but I’ll reveal nothing).

• putty knives
• safety googles
• crowbars
• a wallpaper steamer
• reams of sandpaper

What’s the first to go? Stay tuned. Tomorrow the clock starts: day 0.

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Mary Poppins photo found here